Hard days... have passed. Fortunately. 4 days of sleeplessness, discomfort, weak feelings, depression and desperation. I've had my third chemotherapy six days ago, and today I'm feeling better than yesterday, which I think I should be.

The first four days were traumas and nightmares for me. The forth day was the worst. Day and night, every part of my body felt uncomfortable. There were times I felt like closing my eyes to sleep, but yet couldn't sleep. Perhaps, I've slept too much. Or maybe my bowel was "kicking" me all the time. And at the same time, I started to have the urge to do sports. So I started walking around and around the house - it's the only place I'm confined to be in, I felt so aimless and tired. My body felt like shaking, it's like the feeling of consuming too many esctasy pills in one night. Then when night arrived, my forehead started to give me problems. It didn't ache at all, but the discomfort is just clinging on to it that I've no choice but to stick my head in contact with the wall and pleaded that all these non-sense would stop. In all, my chest, bowel, forehead and legs went on shaking for the rest of the forth night. That night, I slept little. But thank God, I woke up feeling better on the fifth day. The feelings of discomfort were gone. I no longer felt tired or weak. I ate normally. Everything was back to normal.

And now, it's harder to write and say all I've been through. Those uncomfortable pains and desperation to stay alive were beyond measure for words. But even though they couldn't be described completely, I knew that I should accept them graciously as they come because I still have three more treatments to go, and I don't want to give up. God has not given up on me, for He has healed me and gave me this second chance to live for Him and for a greater Purpose.