November Heat

October has ended. Now, we're just two months away from the new year. Man, how time really flies and there're so many things yet to be done and accomplished. I just don't know where to start. This month is going to be a month of warmth and cosiness. Spiritually, I'm going to get cosy with God ever since my heart-wrenching decision to give up something. Although it takes courage and a strong mind to get over it, I will never allow myself to grow cold towards my faith in God.

I have totally given up on my own pursue of happiness. I've already decided to fan the flame to fire between my closeness with God and I, and to serve Him all of my days. From now on, nothing can tear us apart. Without the Lord, I would be nothing. Right now, all I can say is that, physically, I'm dead. I'm just a moving spirit that has been given a second chance to roam about this earth fulfilling what God has purposed me to do. Truth and it's the ultimate truth. Thank God that I'm spiritually alive, although many months back, I died.

Thinking back I felt really sad that I lost myself completely, also, literally speaking. It seems that I'm already dead and it wasn't a dream at all. This day I woke up and I was questioned continuously about my current purpose. For instance -

'Hey pal, why are you doing what you have done before when you're alive?';

'Aren't you suppose to go any further and rising up to do more things than to just sit here and moan about your death of you and your memories (your sweet times)?';

'Why are you torturing yourself and why are you feeling this way? Aren't the dead suppose to feel as if they're dead?';

'Don't ever be selfish, Thomas, it is not about possession. All things belong to the Lord. And what makes you think God cannot provide you? Have you been so down-to-earth lately till you can't be uprooted and submissive to the spirit?';

'Look, if you are tired, God is your rest. If you wanna give up, God loves you. Since you're dead and God ressurected you, aren't you suppose to be grateful for that?'.

I am grateful. I am glad that I have been brought out of the jaws of death and into the realm of light and spirit. God is a God of second chance. So I trust Him.

The truth is that I'm very tired. Extremely tired. Tired of my own pursues and my efforts to keep myself ecstatic. There're times I smile and everything was happy and fine, (But I guess the word 'happy' here is plainly a vocabulary for the sake of description) deep down I was tired about almost everything! I'm sick of events and people that let me down all the time.

However, there's this sentence that I'll NEVER ever forget for the rest of my life, about what my ex-girlfriend once told me before she left, "Thomas, just wanna let you know, that no matter what happens, you still have Jesus."

These words, though they carry a comforting note to a bitter farewell which, are actually peeling my scar away, I finally came to my senses after so many things had happened to me for the past few years there after.

So, for this month, I'm gonna get some renavation in my study. Time to get a fireplace and a chimney and invite the Lord to have tea for two. Perhaps those flames could also possibly wipe the tears from my eyes right now.